A Question Of Faith

If you know me, you know that I have always held spirituality very deeply sacred. As a in my life – as a gifted intuitive, I am someone who deepened that journey without abandon and became more and more familiar with my gifts as I went. Perhaps no one was more surprised than I, as I underwent yet another major spiritual shift in my life in 2020 and 2021 was all about learning to ride in an entirely new paradigm. And here we are, in 2022.

Oddly, it was like a repeat of 2012, only this time instead of working deeply with the Truth finding myself in path of the New Age movement, I fell down the rabbit hole of Truth and out the other side, to where God and the Holy Spirit were waiting for me. Like a kind of “solitary refinement”, I had instruction from God to cut off access to as many influences as I could, suspended from big tech and social media (for attempting to post a prayer) and just close out anything that was not of God. It was the most poignant, exquisite time of my life after 3 years of intense, horrendous spiritual warfare.

I cried every single day for 6 months. I can say that the shift was a welcome change and respite from what I had been experiencing. But me, of all people, did not see this coming.

I was living alone, (my husband was locked down in Melbourne), in a beautiful apartment by Moreton Bay with my beautiful dog Seti. Over the course of several weeks, I experienced what can only be described as a profound opening to Christ. I felt the Hand of God move over every aspect of my life, in unison with the Holy Spirit, who literally audited my life, then and there. Every single thing I owned was examined and audited on the spot, and jettisoned from my life if it had no purpose. Everything. At the same time, I was almost unable to function as I normally would and literally lost access to all of my gifts. I was unable to speak, to express, unable to use my mind the way I might have in the usual way. I was not able to think, to assert.

My top strength is Strategy, followed by Ideation, Activation, Maximise and Futuristic (Gallup Strengths) and I could use none. I was rendered entirely impotent. Many days it was like I was wading through treacle energetically, tasks were nigh impossible, it was hard to find speech, even eating was challenging, and the tears were flowing but I was infinitely happy. Joyfully ecstatic. It was the strangest of experiences. Through this period, leading a business was out of the question. My drive had gone. Everything was put to one side as I focused on the connection with Christ as I was useless without Him. And while that was a little bit weird for me it was a deep sadness that had been replaced with deep assuredness, comfort and intimacy – a kind I have never experienced before. My faith being literally the only thing that mattered to me. I felt God light my heart and I offered all burdens to Him and in return my faith was fuelled even more.

During that time I became acquainted with some scriptures – it was daunting and more than a little unnerving. I had not opened a Bible for more than 30 years and yet, the Holy Spirit was giving me flashbacks of me as a child when the only way I could cope in the outside world was with a little book of Jesus Parables. I went everywhere with that little book which was covered in cerise linen – a bright hot pink. And when I was feeling alone or down, I used to open it, and feel so much joy at the idea that these words were His and there to comfort me at any time, and I had nothing to be afraid of.

Through this time God came and spoke to me non stop. He invited me to lift all burdens I had and send them to Him. More and more God had been speaking to me in exquisite synchronicity and it was all I could do, to yield. If I had to describe what I was doing in an essential oil blend, it would be Deep Blue. Feeling suspended in nothingness, trusting implicitly, knowing I was deeply held while the Holy Spirit worked through and did a massive overhaul of my life.

I saw everything very differently indeed. It was as if God’s instructions were written on my heart, and peeled the scales off my eyes to have me view my world. If negative feelings arose, the only thing that soothed me was scripture and to this day it is not uncommon to find my Bible app open, my Bible within reach, or a search engine explaining context behind a Bible verse so I can really ground the knowledge.

This shift was incredibly daunting and yet so beautiful. I could feel this as the pure truth. I remember feeling so raw and new. But I was not sure I could sustain it on my own. Knowing the mind and human behaviour like I do, I was worried that I would get into patterns of habitual thinking that would serve me. Perhaps I would learn things incorrectly and though I had the Holy Spirit guiding me and showing me things continually in both the seen and unseen worlds, I knew I could trip up with my own thinking. I prayed for a mentor, friend or guide to come and help me. And God delivered the very next day with a beautiful bondservant in Christ who has walked this path for more than 50 years.

After reluctantly accepting the enormous task ahead he helped mentor and guide my thinking and processes as I could feel God was asking me to fast-track my knowledge to be ready to help others along the way. He pointed me to some amazing resources, provided me with the Geneva Bible Patriot edition that helped me unblock my block against the Bible. So beautifully and meticulously prepared, it is a bible that was intended for people who struggle with its comprehension and I loved it so much. As he sent it to me, I heard God say ‘and now you know what I want you to do with it’ …. uh oh. LOL the last time I heard that kind of directive, He insisted I take tours to Egypt. Some of you probably remember that story. God showed me that I would be disseminating this version of the Bible the earliest in existence for the public, and that thousands have been waiting to hear this message from me. I did as I was told and to this day, around 12 months later, over 1500 people have downloaded the Geneva Bible. You can access that here and he showed me thousands of people who would be so grateful for this direction, as I had been. I do as he asks, because it is the least I can do. It was as if God had left the 99 sheep in the field, and stopped everything to come and look for me.

I had great distrust of anything Christian being religious doctrine, of the Bible the whole lot and he was able to help me make sense of what I was seeing and what I was being guided to do. Another one of God’s flock, who also had no time for organised religion – as I did and he helped me make sense of the scriptures and how they weave into a life of joy with Christ. I think 2021 could go down as a year where I would acquaint myself with the Bible. When you move through a deep shift like this one, you want to obey God (obeyance was never a strength for me!). This was also new!! I make a terrible follower at the best of times, but after the experiences I had had, all I wanted to do was to please Him in return.

I was on a sojourn down a path with a very dark outcome and I neither wanted that for myself, or God for that matter! It dawned on me that this is the real meaning of obedience. It’s not about obeying, but its about wisdom – observing the partnership I had created with Jesus. So I stopped taking clients for readings. I stopped charging for services. I cleared my home of all of the spiritual tools I was using. I stopped speaking and spreading and reading about New Age, I got rid of all of the books and paraphernalia and spiritual tools that were not a part of my path any longer. It’s funny because when I was in it, all I did was pick holes in it – and I think He had a part to play in that. Just about everything I owned that was Egyptian left the house. And I kept saying “How was I going to manage on my Egypt Tours? “God asked me to focus on the process being undertaken – and He reassured me that everything would be okay. He reminded me that the tours were His idea (and yes they were!) and everything would resolve in due time. He also reminded me it was him who made it impossible for me to do any of the processes I had arranged for my Egypt Tour and listen to him and only him! The most important thing to determine was to ensure I had come to realise that all of it this was the illegitimate left hand path.

Through it all, my thoughts went to Doreen Virtue who had suddenly abandoned the prolific body of her New Age work with angels. I also had to repent for the teachings that I myself had given. I was someone who had taught false doctrine! I had a relationship with God for a long while, though which was perplexing. And I started to realise that even throughout Egypt, there was certain scriptures I would hear God speak to me, certain places we travelled, the messages I received (which were clear but so perplexing for me). I even found Jesus in Cairo in 2016. What’s interesting is that what I was shown as I journeyed Egypt – both with tours and without them – that my views were aligned in a lot of cases with the teachings of the scriptures. Perhaps that book, when I was little had a deeper impact on my world view than I was able to articulate! But most of all, I had a sense of peace like I had never experienced before.

The Word gave me such joy and such peace, whenever I read it, even as an adult that it was obvious the Holy Spirit was working over me.

So why did I make such a dramatic change? Let me be clear, I don’t believe that it was something I did or didn’t do that created this. I believe that God literally reached in and saved me through His Grace. I could see very clearly while I was working on some research (thanks to the Holy Spirit), that there were some aspects of my life that I had not realised were God at the helm, the entire time. I just didn’t see it. So what of the Spiritual Gifts I had, the hundreds and hundreds of people I have helped along the way – have they been left by the wayside? I think that if you knew how I came into those gifts and what my mindset was back then you would understand as I have, that God has always worked through me.

But this yearning to be closer to Christ was bigger than my need to use my gifts – they were a bonus, not the main event. And over the past 12 months and specifically over the last few weeks, God has been highlighting to me that he gave me these gifts to be used, and to be shared with others. There are some conditions though: not to be charging for my services, and I closed down that entire arm of my business immediately. I have the gifts, and I use them at God’s direction, but I don’t charge. God asked me then, to anchor all I do in the Word, which I do now (joyfully, its my favourite part of the week). He asked me to continue to do as I have always done and follow his lead and his guidance, which I do, and to work with the Holy Spirit to continue to refine the work I’m doing, to hone my talents, to help others and so I do. He said to me “your gifts are mine which I gave to you. Use them, wisely”.

It was not until I opened and truly understood the Bible and the powerful messages that lay within it, as I was shown by the Holy Spirit, that I realised it really was God who gave me these gifts. They are, as I have said God given.

As outlined in the Bible. Before Circles, events, healings, I always always said a prayer of protection over the people who came to see me, instinctively. I could feel nefarious energies circling at times, and I knew that without that prayer I could potentially be leading people and opening doorways that could not be shut. It turns out that the Bible calls this ‘opening to illegitimate authority’ and this was something that I was intuitively aware of. 

Privately, my relationship with God has always been there, and He always guided and showed me the way. Many of you who have been in my workshops, my classes, or seen me speak, know that I always referred to God as being right by my side the whole way through. And indeed he has.

Ephesians 2:82 And you were dead in the trespasses and sins 2 in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— 3 among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body[a] and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.[b] 4 But[c] God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— 6 and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.